Womb

Womb Season. A time to create and be created into a human that is connected to her humanity. In the short time after leaving my previous church I have recognized all the ways I could not run free. I lived and moved with a mold created for me. I moved in a system that was not interested in my development or freedom from chains that held me. In fact, they perpetuated the chains because hey themselves don’t know they are chained by life killing theology. I was in a womb that was killing me and feeding me what was good for them but did not nourish me. It fed me words that masked as conviction but only ignited my anxiety. I walked in the path they set for me and spoke words that were vetted and approved in unspoken actions. I recognize now that this is centering whiteness and living under White Supremacy. It is following life killing theology but not knowing it because decolonization is a lifetime journey. It is discovering what you have been taught but accepting that at times there will be a whole lot of gray. In white centers spaces black and white is required to survive. I’ve i didn’t need one specific road or way of thinking. I needed community. I needed people who understood and embraced my transformation. I needed a life giving womb.

Today I am in a life giving womb. I am in a womb that is accepting everything I don’t know and honoring what I have learned. A womb that recognizes that places that are taking form bit this a season where I am grieving and need rest. A womb that is pushing me to dream and follow through despite “Imposter Syndrome” fighting to dominate my every thought. Today I am in a womb that is invested in my healing and growth instead of all the great qualities that is useful to them. A womb that makes space for my genuineness which is messy and crazy and makes no apology for taking space. A womb that is creating the time and space for my rebirth and beginnings that are still shapeless but full of possibilities.