A year later

Deconstruction is becoming a buss word. In the evangelical church it is another term and path to demonize. When I left my previous church I did not know what I was leaving behind nor what future I was choosing. I knew their version of God was not what I wanted. I knew I felt disembodied and every moment I continued in that system I lost more of myself. At least I thought this at the time. I am now coming to understand that I had to lose that woman. That woman was a product of colonized faith built to dehumanize every part of her and do it to others. I’ve spent the last year asking “How can I trust again?” “How am I supposed to try and learn from the very god that was weaponized against me?” Do I have answers to any of this questions? No and I am glad I don’t. I am realizing that I am seeking the wrong God. I was trying to understand a white god. I was trying to understand a god referred as “him” with no space to consider that God has no gender and faith can and is expansive.

Now, I am grateful to lose that Claudia. I am grateful to renounce that god that has been used to dehumanize me so that I can do it to my

own people. I am grateful to embrace and be at peace with a Claudia that did not know better. I am grateful to be in a community of people that share their knowledge and live embodies lives. I am appreciative of a pace where I can learn and ask questions. Even more so I am grateful that I can say I am no longer a ‘christian’. I follow brown Jesus who lived a gospel of love. A brown Jesus who challenged empire and knew that we heal and grow in community.